MSN bullying me

WTH is wrong with MSN
even yahoo messenger is killing me
i want to online
i'm pissed of with this computer
plus! no JOB yet
means NO MONEY
i need to work to buy laptop!!!!!
anyone tell me what to do with MSN
hate it =(

UP

UP! the movie is nice =D i know it's a kiddo movie but the cinema is FULL! i like the boy and the dog. talking dog. so cute. i wonder what will happen if reality there's a dog that can talk. i think i'll run away if there's a dog that can talk. the scenery in the movie is nice. especially the waterfall ^^ and the movie is super funny. laugh the whole movie

i like the bird. colourful =D

cute lil boy *pinch pinch*

just a short post.

trials is just around the corner. i am so not ready yet. playing around, watching movie....... the list go on.... and the worse is i dream of someone. someone that i should not dream of. it's weird to dream of that person. i woke up feeling scared. i even dream i became FAT~! well the fact is i'm fat already but in my dream i'm fatter. i think obese already.. uuuhhhh. scary. i even dream of my friend commiting suicide. i'm having all weird dreams. i used to complain i can't dream when my friends tell me about their dreams. hmmm.

*never say you can't
*it will come true

boo. it's been quite long since i last update. i sleep at 3 am and woke up at 7.30 am. and i'm still quite energetic now. can't be hyper. go botanical garden jog. and eat mint and chocolate ice cream. make pei ying and eunice jealous =p early in the morning eat ice cream. then went to pulau tikus market eat and bought DOUBLE BERRY organic biscuits. YUMMY! i suddenly feel bad. weird huh? i don't even know why i feel bad. i wanted to write something but i feel bad. never mind. i shall just write what i feel. my dahling will understand who i'm writing about. =)

there's this person. i shall name it 'IT'. IT is annoying. not to say super annoying but still annoying =/ IT like to tell me about IT life. i mean i don't want to know and i'm not interested. IT keep on telling me about things i don't wanna know. true we have nothing to talk and message about so yea. IT will tell me about IT's daily routine since we have nothing to say. yesterday my cous called. and she say you'll feel that person concern about you when you like that person. well. it's true. not gonna continue =D

i got lots in my head but suddenly it's all gone.

it's the end already. and i guess you are enjoying your life now. i'm happy to know you already move on. but what hurt me the most is you can't even remember me. how can you forget about me that fast? i still wonder how they do that. i want to learn. i delete all the pictures already. except for the group picture. that will be a very memorable picture. you use a very lame reason to stop messaging. that is the end of another sub chapter of my life. i will tell you the truth one fine day.

i just realise i didn't talk to someone for a very very long time already. didn't even saw you. are you still in penang? didn't see you online for so long. hmm. i think you and your girl must be very happy.

there's another annoying person. but i don't want to talk about that person. lazy =) bye...

i wish i didn't say that*
no use regretting*

am i really that useless? they want to use my things they should ask my permission first what. they take without asking. want to wait till she go bus only tell me is it? some people really.... speechless. they're wrong but still don't want to admit they're wrong. they still feel that they take already only ask only correct. she say i wear her clothes. ok i don't wear. NEVER TOUCH HER CLOTHES! if she ever touch mine then i will surely say her. you idiot! want me to die then kill me le. so scared for what. your own husband want me to die why must i kill myself? ask him kill me ler. i don't have any sins. he got only what. why want kill myself when there's so many fun things for me in this world? you all will REGRET for treating me like this. you WILL! oh. i asked him can come out or not cause i was so sad just now. wanted to go somewhere. end up sitting here =.=

today colour guard is quite ok. everything goes well. no more all those bad bad things happening. so i am kinda happy. should be not going tomorrow thanks to THEM! never mind i will rest at home. very long i didn't rest already. school homework. didn't even touch it. cool!

i don't know why i feel that i am stupid. and how to trust a person? can someone tell me? i mean it's like i trust this person but at last end up hurting my friend. i thought that person will treat my friend very good. i see from the way that person treat my friend. look so good and everything but end up that person lied. go have fun first then only come back. how clever....i am wrong for trusting that person. that person is just the same. same species.i wonder how many things they are keeping from us. i think they are happy hurting people's feelings. i got this case. a guy that marry already. got a kid and a pretty girl. that guy is about 30 years old plus already. he want to chase a 20plus girl. age difference is not a matter but the guy is MARRIED. how can he do that? he even got a kid already. and a pretty wife. wtf. really no brain this kind of people. i hope that girl know how to think. don't destroy their family. think of the kid.

*i will try not to think about it anymore*

change of plan. i did not go out with sophia that day. hmm. again. we can't meet. that means i didn't drink. =.= busy with colour guard prac nowadays. dark already =( sad. i see problems now. hope it will be ok soon. i'm so tired. everyday prac. i can feel muscle already. muscular hand. scary!

yesterday it's 6/6. went out with pei ying after my tuition. we went to QB. before that, i reach early so i walk with my parents first. i don't know if it's him or not. i think i kinda saw him. the hair style and face is so like him. but the banner block his face and he is like the opposite side. i feel that my eyesight is getting worse nowadays. =/ i don't dare to go there and see. i don't know what to do if it's really him. and i'm sure my mum will ask me lots of ques. tried clothes. all like shit. who ask me can't grow taller. so short wear any clothes also look ugly. oh well..

i want to ask him. but i don't know should i or not. he took my quiz in facebook. got the highest among my friends. he know me more than my friends. hmmm. weird. he only know me for like 2 months only. actually less than that. i kinda miss him. i don't like the feeling. gonna remove it. i need a removal to remove all this things. bad bad thing. my love quote is "hold me tight and never let go". the quiz that i took in facebook. 突然好想你 =(

*pray that everything goes well*

one more day left~! i'm not studying. spend the whole day sleeping and sms. haha. when i came back i expect my hp to be like no message at all. i on my hp and there's 7 messages for me to reply. i was suprised but i did not receive message from the one i expect to receive. nahh. ignore that. i kinda expect that already. it's okay. life still goes on. my heart is crying but i can't cry.

the plan to go out tomorrow is successful~! last minute plan. haha. pei ying and I was sms-ing. then, she say her sis wanna go redbox so i said i wanna go too. then the plan came in. i'm going after my tuition. sleepin over at her house. =D going to Gurney watch night at the museum 2. enjoy after exams. weee~! i'm looking forward the coming holidays. it'll be a very very busy holiday. after 2 years, i'm busy again during holiday. oh. i bought my prom dress already. guess how it look like =p i like the white one but i really look like i'm going to marry in it. so i did not buy that.

this coming saturday i'm going out with sophia. first time going out with her. excited. going out to drink. i don't know where is that place but i think i can guess it. going to talk about our problems. i wonder what happen to her. i don't like the feeling when other ppl is in trouble. i feel sad too.

*not thinking of him, trying to ignore him*

feeling stupid

my hubby is beside me right now.. haha...we going to be in the ROOM later... ONLY two of us..sound wrong? yes i'm les =D no one will believe it i think. haha.

well. i'm down now. as usual. i hate those feelings. i wanna ignore it but i can't. i need to find a way to make me delete all those... i shouldn't ask that ques. now i make myself down when exams still going on. i'm seriously.... useless? i think i am....i wanna shout. i wanna enjoy. my brain is not functioning. can't study. i wanna go out till late at night. who can follow me? hantu =.= i don't know what to post. will update when i feel like it.

*i wanna enjoy my holiday without thinking of that*

hi ppl. i don't know why my mood is so damn good now. i feel happy. feel like smiling the whole day. hope later on nothing will spoil my mood. it's labour day. so Happy Labour Day to the workers. enjoy your day ^^

now someone spoil my mood. ughh. why is he lying to me? babi. i should not care so much. he got NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! *keep on remind myself tat* =( feel a bit hurt. i guess i'm kinda used to it already. everything will be ok after this. woohoo! don't think about it. think other things. like going out today=) i shall just chat with him as a normal friend. must not expect that he will change. haleluya! i make myself gone too deep.

georgian fiesta. he brought chocolates. a box of ferrero rocher in a pink love box. the school is full of people. so damn hot eh. the place is like in microwave oven. you can see everyone's clothes wet. haha. about 1 pm went to prangin with jo n wei. walk till 4 something. fetch wei back home and then we went to queensbay. EE meet us there. and he have to pay for everything i buy that day. wakakaka! cool right. i know i'm bad. who ask him to lie to me? lalala. then we went back. he fetch me back. and he bought a bouquet of flowers for me =.= 9 pink roses with a pair of bear on top of it. i already know he is going to give me that. i just act suprised. and when reach home i rejected his flower. he is forced to take it back cause i say my mum will kill me if i bring it back. haha. we talked in the car for about 10 minutes plus. i told him why i don't want to accept him. i think he understand already now.

now my mum don't let me go out eat with jimmy =.= she say it's my bf. she don't believe i say it's jo bf! gosh. kek khi. never mind. i don't care about that part. now making ppl geram. this is so fun! =p

*study study*

i'm at home. alone! woohoo! my mum lecture me. hate it. i must make sure i study hard so that she can just keep her mouth up. she like to compare me with other people. if i'm clever then don't have to compare already what. stupid mia. i on the song loud loud so that i can't listen to her =p i was so angry so i don't want to follow them out to eat. hehe. i must make sure i study hard so that she'll just keep quiet and let me do what i want. i stay at home and eat chocolate. all because of them!!!! don't wanna eat the chocolate eu ern gave cause it's too nice =D so ate other chocolates. i wanna buy kinder bueno. it's cheap!! 3 for only 5 something i think. i realise i eat lots of chocolates this year. don't care fat or not ler. chocolate is yummy. make me feel happy. oh. they ask my grandma call me. ask me what i want to eat. babi people. don't know how to ask me r. ask grandma. babissss!must not angry because of this.

pei ying came to my house today. we played badminton. for 2 hours! cool but tomorrow muscle sure pain. before that, we went to buy presents. we still owe ze her present =/ ishh. one month plus already. and all those sorry for the late pressie. hehe. monday having badminton competition. i know sure no hope already. they play us. let us play with the pro ones. NOT FAIR! i guess nothing is fair in this world. crap! thunder.... =/ tomorrow is a school-ing day. prefect not in school. after school, py and me did something. then a form 1 student came to us and ask me if i'm from sggs. i ask her why. then she say you're not supposed to bring this. i said after school already what so what... she said she's a prefect then i just walk away. stupid ler. if she's really so semangat of the school rules then she should not take off her name tag after school! wait till in car or reach home only take off. this kind of ppl really no brain. form1 only dare to say me. not even prefect wanna lie and say. think i'm stupid is it. form 1 got prefect? nonsense.

chemistry folio. must must must finish up today! i hope so. i got a feeling i cant finish it. hehe. do my best ba =)

*study study*

=(

now my dahling (eunice) is playing april fool with me when it's not april fool. she used eu ern's name cause it's her first and her last name. u can see what she wrote in my chatbox under eu ern's name =/
ish ish ish! i was so down the whole day. yucks. i nearly cried too. wonder why i do.... bad sign bad sign.
dahling please dont play that next time. did u know lolly nearly cry. i was thinking how eu ern can write it when he's not even at home. and everything doesn't make sense. now that i know the truth it makes sense already =D
everything is fine =)

py and me went to tourism club. full of erm.......... i shall skip the part. the activity was super fun but the environment is =/ oh well. lots of work and because of the chatbox thing i'm here blogging. it's good right? my hubby (cynthia) is still sick. she didn't come to school today. aiks. make wifey (me) miss hubby only. hehe

last weekend was busy. saturday i slept at 1.30 am and woke uo at 4.30 am. cause cheng beng. woohoo! was so tired after that. went home slept. my phone seriously is so stupid. ish! i hate it. saving money to buy a new one maybe. i keep tell myself i should appreaciate what i got. i can't do it. *it's a present so you should not expect more than that* keep on reminding myself. ughh. bye people

enjoy life to the fullest =)

*study study*

i didn't blog for so many days already. lots and lots thing to say. i think i shall shorten it. =) lazy type so much. i not yet even finish my homework! shhhh.... the essay! ish ish! i don't like that essay. stupid you!

friday, 20th of march 2009
pei ying came to my house. before that, i went to bank to change my bank account to another bank. but the damn bank is closed. sad. have to wait till the next holidays only got time already =( i reached home late. make peiying have to wait for me downstairs. paiseh! went upstairs and we start reading 'The Pearl'. finish up our presentation. and we sat there talk for i think 1 hour. then, we went downstaris. play badminton. i was perspiring so much already but she not yet even perspire. we continue playing for an hour i think. didn't look at the time. after that, we went up to take key to ride motor! =p it's fun. sadly the motor can't start. and both of us don't have such strength to carry to motor up to put the stand. when my mum came back, she asked an indian uncle help. he look at the battery then he look here and there. at last he can start the motor! pei ying and I was so happy. my mum ride one round then came back. i ride for a few rounds. when my mum went up, pei ying dare to ride already. i was so scared she'll knock into the car or fall. scary. but after riding a few rounds she's ok already. i'm proud =D i'm the teacher. after that, we went up and take my bicycle. we ride all the way up to the new block. when coming down, she was so fast. it reminds me of my brother. that time when he got accident because he ride to fast coming down from the hill. i keep shouting. ask her to slow down. i'm seriously scared. after that, we ride to penang hill. took pictures there. lazy upload. so i shall upload next time =) pei ying went back about 6 something. that's the end

saturday, 21st of march 2009
today is Flag Day. we ( jing min, pei ying, me, cynthia, june and kah mei) follow jing's car to pulau tikus area. it was raining so everything is wet! yucks. i hate it. luckily i brought umbrella. we walk around asking for donation. june was so semangat she went under the rain just to get donation from the passer-by. some was kind some will say they already donate. after 1 hour plus there i think, we walked to the gurney area. went into the coffee shop to ask for donation. there's one uncle he was good. i wanted to ask donation but i scared he won't give. so i did not. when i walk pass he was holding and folding a RM5 note. so i thought maybe ask. he really want to donate that RM5. he thought i don't want collect from him. thank you uncle =) we walked till the last coffee shop then we walked all the way to gurney. on the way, pei ying and I found 2 bucks on the floor. so we picked it up and put in the donation tin. we sat in front of secret recipe for a while. then went in McD to have my breakfast. we sat there for quite long. gosip. fun. we played truth too. after that, jing and kah mei went to change clothes. kah mei super sexy owh. =p we walk and walk finding present for ze and also jo. *what to buy* after that, noel come already. so june go away d. left jing, cyn, py and me. we walk. and walk. no direction. then jing's mr teh came already. so left py, cyn and me. we went down buy 1901 hot dog cause py not yet eat. after that, we sat down and talk till 12 something. bomberman is here. *that's what my friend call him* bomberman is eu ern =.= sat there till 12.49 we went up watch 'race to the witch mountain'. nice movie. we fetched me back to hq. saw june n noel. noel said i'm lansi =( paiseh ler. i'm like that eh mer. =/ i walked to chung hwa. they followed my back. it's so weird! that's all. oh. i forgot. bomberman gave me a present. my 'breaking dawn'! thank you so much eu ern. that's the end.

need to eat my brunch and continue my homework before i die! bye!

joalin's birthday party suprise is fun. lots of suprise happened. we reached early. sat there. damn hot. we went to the beach and played a while. then i start eating cause i'm superb hungry. eat twisties cause hungry. wow right? haha. wei wanted to go to toilet so me and becky followed her there. we walk all the way to paradise hotel for the toilet. luckily the guard there let us pass =D on the way there, we saw jo. her bf did not tell us they're coming already. so it end up not really a suprise =/ when we came back from toilet we wanted to pull jo to the water. she don't want to move =( we have to pull her all the way down. she's only bit wet. so we keep pulling n pulling. she ran away but i can chase her. wakakakkka! *crap i feel bad. i'm crying not bcos of jo's thing* after playing for hours we went for a bath. in an old yucky place. eewwww! and 1 buck for bathing. the place is so dirty and they ask for 1 buck. ish! waste of money. after tat. cake time! cake for jo =) we went back for a bath then went out again for pizza. =) yummy. i got scolded by my mum and then i was so angry i drink a lot of carbonated drinks. then mushroom soup pop in front of me. thanks to eu ern. i just only knew. we took a group pic =) wait i forgot to mention. wei's house the lobby there lots of cockroaches. we're like jumping around but becky is so cool! she got no reaction. weird weird. haha

berry, eu ern, nikki, jimmy, joalin, soon wei, me =)

hmmm. i feel better after saying thank you. i thank him for the break up. i'm weird. really! i just feel i'm weird. that's all. i got the answer now. although my heart did break a bit when he said he on with her already but. i still have to wish him all the best. i think that's all i can say. why think so much when there's so many option in front of me? why think of the one that already don't want you and break your heart already? am i right? =) wei xiao pasta reminds me of xiao yi xiao mei se me da bu liao de =) keep smiling. i just have to remind myself that. life is fun. and seriously i'm enjoying it. i wonder why he so suka have gf? oh well. none of my business i guess=D i got the answer. curious. oh oh oh well....he keep wishing me all the best. i will seriously go crazy. grrr! this post is green cause it has something to do with him. so it's green which is his colour. i think =D

this is about wei and joalin. both of them keep on wishing me luck! gosh. i'm really so so so bahagia! so many ppl wish me luck n best but i'm here complaining. hahaha. weird right? i'm always weird i guess. bye ppl. it's late =)

yes! today i'm going out. nose bleeding. scary =( erm. now at soon wei's house! hahhaha. she's currently changing clothes. but she lazy so i'm gonna help her change later. cool right? kakakaka. i love her dog. but he like to lick me. becky is combing her hair. i still remember last time i was combing my hair so i ask wei help me reply my message. then she go type i'm bombing my hair instead of combing my hair. the receiver was shocked! hahhaha. her dog is in here now. and becky is screaming 'NO!' funny k. hhahhah. will continue the story after this. jo's bf frens is fetching us later. paradise beach =]

yesterday was relay for life. i spend the night out. on motor. round nearly the whole penang. i reach youth park at 6. i was so blur. everyone is wearing purple shirt except for me. weird huh? i wait for pei ying to come. after that, we just sit and talked. at bout 9 something i went back. cause my hp no battery d. want to charge hp. and 14 of march is my sis's birthday. so went back sing a birthday song for her. i not yet buy present for all of them! sob sob. i wan cry d. later on, i go back to youth park at about 11 something. then, we sat there for a few hours. at 2a.m. we went out. go eat nasi beratur =D cool name. after that, we plan to go to beach. so ride all the way to paradise beach. reached there. the place was seriously so dark. they don't dare to go in. cause we don't have torch light. i can't even see a thing. super dark. i want to go and look at sunrise. but the whole thignnwas cancelled. oh well. that's about it. reach youth park i went to play swing. was so tired so i slept. for a few hours. =( about 10 something went back, go makan McD. fat fat =D slept in car on the way back home. then, i did not sleep till the next day 12! haha.

harlo!!!!!! there's this guy wrote about me in his blog. i don't know his name. but i know he's eunice's friend. it's so weird he wrote about me. but i know. my story before this is a bit erm. stupid. he wrote about me but i don't know what to write about him. at least there's something about him. i want to know him in person. it's cool to know someone like that =D

talk about 2/3/2009.
i went to gurney. wanted to watch 'love matters' but it's 18 and above. tried to went in but that idiot human don't let me and pei ying go in. he want to check our IC. i told him i forget to bring and he say he can't let me in. so he changed to another movie for us. erm. 'kung fu chef' quite nice the movie. then, while the idiot guy stop us from goin in. i saw him. with that GIRL! he walked in and i saw someone i knew. i turn and saw him. he saw me too but he walk too fast can't smile. but somehow i don't feel anything. i mean i've been wondering how to face this situation for so long. i saw him and my reaction is nothing. no actually i feel a bit geram. but i think that feeling only last for a while. i enjoyed my day as usual. his existence with that girl did not make me feel moody or sad or what i feel before this. i'm PROUD =P

EXAMS coming!!!!!!!!!!! and i'm dying. it's just another 3 more days. and i'm here blogging. can't study. the gina'ssss very noisy. grrr. don't like them here. make me can't study. i must work hard this time. i must not get bad results!!!!!!!!!!! i must try to get at least A2 for all the subject. no, must get 70 and above. must not get 60!!!!!!!! arghh! work harder! GAMBATE GUAT PHING! you can do it =) i'm talking to myself. all the best to myself

ok. something weird just happen. my godbro go crazy. he ask me to argue with him. our argument topic is argue! lol. it's really funny

ARièl says:
lol
lai sis
we argue also
LOL
charmaine says:
hahahaha
wat to argue leh?
lol. we dont have anything to argue
ARièl says:
lol
argue bout...
arguing
HMPH
sis!
i ask u to argue u dont wan argue
wats wrong la
!
argue also wrong meh
tell me wats wrong la
LOL
siao mia
charmaine says:
cham liao bro crazy
i dont wan argue cannot r?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
haha
cannot!
charmaine says:
argue very fun meh?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
nid to argue!
yes!
charmaine says:
why cannot?
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
cause i say cannot!
charmaine says:
not fun also
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
fun!
very fun
charmaine says:
why bro say cannot sis must listen leh?
no not fun. sis say not fun!
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
cause bro is elder!
bro smrter
smarter*obviously*
LOL
charmaine says:
no! sis smarter k!
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
fun la
more chi kek
charmaine says:
perasan bro!
hahahahha
[c=40]ARièl [/c] says:
haha
high 5!
we did it!
we argue!
LOL

that is our argue part! lol. really funny ler. we argue about argue. hmm. deep. hahahaha. only crazy ppl like my bro n me can do that =p

i just realise that my life is miserable. i'm sad all the time. i never feel happy before since last october. i wonder what will happen to me if i continue like this. will i go crazy? i want to drink. i will bug my cousin to bring me go club drink. if i got caught by police, then say haleluya to me! as long as i can forget about all those sad stuff. I DON'T CARE! i guess i changed since the day he went away. i start drinking, my attitude changed.... or mayb i'm still the same? i don't drink. this is my first year drinking. hmmm.

i feel so bad. i know you care about me. i'm really sorry to treat you like that. i told you i don't want to have bf now. i don't want take other guy to forget him. that's not the way. you are a good guy. why don't you just go and find other girl than wait for me? i don't know how long i will take to forget about him. you did so much to make me happy but i have no feelings towards you. i really don't have feelings towards anyone now. i'm bad. i don't want to stop talking to you cause if i do so i will feel bored. i'm so BAD! i'm a bad bad girl. sorry sorry sorry. maybe i should stop talking to him. he bought so many things for me but i can't find a way to say no. if i say so i will break his heart. gahh. if i accept he will mistaken. this is shit! hate all this. i know i treat you coldly. i don't want to. i treat you too good you'll put more hope. i will not accept your presents anymore. this valentine's gift will be the last! i must do it.

stop thinking

do not think

you think too much

it's not true

your mind is playing you

he doesn't care about you

he love other girl now. not you.



STOP THINKING!



that's one of the reason why i seldom online

i will surely think till i cry

i hate this feeling but i have to go on my life with it




he is the sun and the girl is the tree. the tree needs the sun to survive.

i need him to survive too. but he doesn't care.

wine = fun

drink it fast = cold. ice in the body

drink more = liver cancer (that's what he say)

at last = waiting for my liver cancer to come (he doesn't care, so?)

while drinking = i have fun. i go hyper, talk nonsense, stop thinking about the sad things

parents = mum don't care, dad scold =.=

friends = pei ying will tell my parents if i still continue drinking ( i drink without their knowledge =D )

him = doesn't care. no reaction.

effect = face turn red!

now, i sprain my leg. i can't walk. it hurts. =( stupid leg. all the time. wonder what's wrong with it. maybe my legs are not strong anymore. i shall go check when my mum agree. she doesn't care about me. today i start drinking some erm. nutrition juice. i wan to grow tall. getting fatter thanks to CNY biscuits.going to school will help me become thinner.sad more will make me even thinner but it's bad for my body. homework is tonnes. wonder when will i finish it up. keep on piling up my homework is not the best way. shall do more homework to forget things. lazy =/ i must go on with my life. hard. i feel erm.... *speechless*

<3

everything he said is always in my head. i only have to read it twice and it will stick in my head already. i still remember what he said to that girl in his message. the girl must be very lucky to have his love. i am the one who doesn't know how to appreciate it at the first place. i should not complain so much. i just hope everything can disappear. what cyn said is right. i did not delete everything about him that's why i can't forget about him. can i delete it? i know i will regret if i delete it. i'm not letting any guys know more about me. i keep everything to myself. i don't trust any guys. i know some of them just want to help me but i really don't want to accept it. i'm scared. i'm so sorry if i hurt any of your feelings. that is the best i can do. i keep say i want to forget about him but actually i don't want. the memories are too sweet for me to forget and delete it. i don't want to let other guy take over his place. and i don't think any guy can ever take over his place. sometimes i'm so disappointed with myself. i'm just making myself suffer. how can i ever forget all those sweet times we've been through. it's so so so so sweet that i can't delete it from my head.

P.S. you don't know how much pain i'm in. it's easy for you cause you're the one who ask for break up.

history text book

he came to my house to pass to me his history text book. he promised to give me the book. so... i thought i already forgot part of it about him but when i saw him my heart straight away break into pieces again. i really feel so sad now. i know i should not be like that. i'm trying my best. i guess i still need more time. why is he so hard to forget? i should not be sad anymore. i wish i could be stronger. i don't want to cry but i can't control it. is it so painful when the one you love go away like that? or i'm the only one that feel so? haih.