PAIN

why is my heart so pain now???????????? i don't want force him do things that he doesn't want to do. i don't want to cry anymore. i want to smile. i want to be happy. who can help me? what can i do? what should i do? anyone there to save me? i just want to spend more times with him before i can't do that. why can't i have it happily? why must my life be like that? why must i meet him? i don't want all this. why did i trust him in the first place? why am i so stupid to give him everything? why did i listen to all his words which is liesss after all? what is he trying to do with me? is he trying to kill my heart?i just want him to come back that's all i ask for. is it so hard to fulfill my wish???????

still feeling pain

this few days i start crying again. i don't know why. i miss him. i miss you dear. wherever u are. do u know i miss you? i want to keep my promise. one is the one i make with him. another with my another friend. i don't mean to do that. i just feel pain and that can make me feel better. really it does. i just miss all the moments we spend together. i want to hug you dear. hope dear exam is ok. good luck for your exam cher. i don't know what to post. cause now no matter what i write is sure sad stuff. i read all the messages he sent just now. in the morning. i didn't go to school. boring. got very bad position in the whole form. but good already ler for a girl who did not study. miracles. where is my dear? i want to put up all our memories here.

i short 75cents today. because of the uncle. stupid mia. go give me 10cents for what. oh. i'm working at sunshine farlim. until 18th of november. then i'm going to gama already. cause there i can get more money =] my ear hurts. don't kn0w what happen to it. aahhh. i don't care anymore. let it be.

p.s. bébé je t'aime cher pour toujours

friday i went to i-lyn's house after add maths tuition. actually we wanted to go to batu feringghi but i-lyn's mum khi siau. hahaha. so can't go. went to i-lyn's house and then she cook for me egg. i don't know she can cook. hahaha. at least she cook better than me. if i cook i think the egg will become like shit. and then, i went to her room. play her violin! so proud cause she say i'm quite good for a beginner =p she's a scary teacher. she'll kill me. i'll post the video up even though i say i won't. don't worry. you'll be famous. if anyone read my blog. hahaha. sorry. i played twinkle twinkle. hahha. but it's like shit. but at least i can play right? my hand feel so pain after holding it. maybe i need to use a smaller one since i'm so small. it must be very cute =p and then, the next day. my shoulder there bone feel pain. i think it's because of the violin. bad bad =D

so saturday is june's birthday party. i can't go. because last night when i want to go to i-lyn's house and actually my mum don't let. i want to go. so they have to come fetch me. and i get scolded from my dad and mum. i think my mum get scolded from my dad. that's why she's not talking to me in the morning =( but after that she seems a bit better. she talk to me. but in a very. i don't know how to explain. scary =/

feeling sad

i don't know why but i'm sad. he say he is going to australia after finish studying. i cried. i don't know why. but the tears just come out by itself. weird right? i feel that i really cry a lot. feel like a baby. i should be happy he's thinking about the future. but i don't want him to go so far. it's very very far. =( i said i want to go to KL after form 5. for college. i'm not sure about it yet. that is if i get scholarship. then i'll be in college. if not i have to study form6. haih. why is life so difficult. i just wish that i don't have to think about anything. be a baby. cry and what i want will come true. easy life isn't? if i'm sad then he'll not go. if he don't go, then he'll be wasting about a year waiting for me to finish my college. i can't be that selfish. but i really don't like the feeling of saying bye bye to him. haih. to my darling. sorry. i'm being selfish. i'm a bad girl.

today is my dad's birthday. made him a card and his present is i don't know. i just woke my sis up. she's buying him a pen tomorrow. hahaha. i'm so bad. =p luckily she's not that blur yet.
i'll end it here with this picture of myself.

suddenly feel like take pic. see my calculator?

i feel so much better now. i MUST let him go. DO NOT feel sad and make him don't want to go. i know i can make it. if he really love me he won't do anything wrong towards me. well, i think so. he's still a guy =]