i just realise that my life is miserable. i'm sad all the time. i never feel happy before since last october. i wonder what will happen to me if i continue like this. will i go crazy? i want to drink. i will bug my cousin to bring me go club drink. if i got caught by police, then say haleluya to me! as long as i can forget about all those sad stuff. I DON'T CARE! i guess i changed since the day he went away. i start drinking, my attitude changed.... or mayb i'm still the same? i don't drink. this is my first year drinking. hmmm.

i feel so bad. i know you care about me. i'm really sorry to treat you like that. i told you i don't want to have bf now. i don't want take other guy to forget him. that's not the way. you are a good guy. why don't you just go and find other girl than wait for me? i don't know how long i will take to forget about him. you did so much to make me happy but i have no feelings towards you. i really don't have feelings towards anyone now. i'm bad. i don't want to stop talking to you cause if i do so i will feel bored. i'm so BAD! i'm a bad bad girl. sorry sorry sorry. maybe i should stop talking to him. he bought so many things for me but i can't find a way to say no. if i say so i will break his heart. gahh. if i accept he will mistaken. this is shit! hate all this. i know i treat you coldly. i don't want to. i treat you too good you'll put more hope. i will not accept your presents anymore. this valentine's gift will be the last! i must do it.