i feel pain again

yesterday i went out with him. i cried when we're at beach. i don't know why. everything is going to end soon. i don't want to cry anymore. i don't want to feel pain anymore. i want to be like last time. my heart feel so pain now. i know he moved his hands away so that i can't hold his hands. i know it. yeap ken min. you're right. i am stupid. the world stupidest girl. i told myself not to cry anymore. i can't. my heart is pain. there's a bee here and if it were the last time me. i would have run away. but now i'm here blogging. i'm not sure why. it's like i'm not scared of anything anymore except the word 'break up'. that's all i'm scared of now. i want everything to go back to normal. will talk more about the outing next time. he's busy with that girl's birthday. so i can't disturb him. cool right. that's what you call a deal.

P.S. everyone deserves a second chance. if you can have 4 chances why can't i have another chance?

PAIN

why is my heart so pain now???????????? i don't want force him do things that he doesn't want to do. i don't want to cry anymore. i want to smile. i want to be happy. who can help me? what can i do? what should i do? anyone there to save me? i just want to spend more times with him before i can't do that. why can't i have it happily? why must my life be like that? why must i meet him? i don't want all this. why did i trust him in the first place? why am i so stupid to give him everything? why did i listen to all his words which is liesss after all? what is he trying to do with me? is he trying to kill my heart?i just want him to come back that's all i ask for. is it so hard to fulfill my wish???????

15th of december

it's our anniversary. which doesn't exist anymore. and also eunice's birthday!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! i'm so so so sorry i can't go to queensbay. you know my mum. she don't really like me to go to queensbay already. remember before this we said that when it's ur birthday it's going to be our 3years and 5 months anniversary. but now, there's no more anniversary. i look to the future too fast. i even bought a present for our 4years anniversary already. how stupid am i?eunice, hope u are reading my blog. did u have fun? how was your birthday party? must be fun right? so sorry i can't go =/

4 more days. he will be my bf back. until the 1st of january 12am. then, i will have to start a new year with a new life. a life without him. can i go through the year or not? it all depends. it will be the toughest year ever. a year without him, SPM year, pressure year, have to accept the fact that he's going to be with another girl.... all that. it's going to be so hard. i have to go through it alone. everytime i see a guy that has some of his face structure or his hairstyle i will definitely look at the guy. it's like looking at him. how can i continue my life with this? i am just looking at the guy because he look like him. gosh. what is wrong with me? i want to forget about the past. i want to lost memory. i don't want to remember anything about the past.

i want to buy colour contact lens. but i guess it's expensive. never ask the price. don't dare to ask. =D tomorrow going back to school to buy exercise books. after that, i'm going out with soon wei. going to prangin. no money. can't buy much already. mum scolding me cause i bought a lot already. ben asked me to go to his church concert this coming friday, saturday and sunday. who to go with? at dewan sri pinang... christmas concert....

i went out with him on the 11th of december 2008. ate Kim Gary and watched the day the earth stood still. i got scared by the sound. suddenly something come out mia sound. you know right the sound. after watching movie, we went to a place. sat there and talked. i don't know what we talk about. but i know whatever we talked about also there's part where i'll laugh n there's part when i nearly cried. but i didn't because people around there, i don't want shed another tear in front of him anymore, and i'm wearing makeup. we talked about. a lot i guess. i don't know it just feel good talking to him. but after that, when i have to go meet my cousin i feel really very sad. even it's only 4 hours together, but i feel that it's very very enough already. i'm greedy. i want more than 4 hours. i feel sad n my tears dropped. one drop only! that is not crying i guess. after shopping, reached her house. i went in my cous bedroom. i feel very weak. heart is like so weak. i cried. sorry =( i tried to sleep but i can't. so i went to take a bath and i feel much better. i bought a short pants at queensbay. i miss you

p.s. i wish i can be with you longer. but i will definitely treasure our every last moment.

question

i just realised a lot of people ask me this question. "Will u still accept him back if he come back to you one day. Eventhough he treat you so badly now." well. my answer is " Yes. If he come back i will definitely accept him back. I love him" and they all just say no medicine for me. hmm. is it wrong? i really do love him k? he can treat me badly. but the love just won't go away. he can have feelings for other girl. he can flirt around. he can remove everything about me from his life. eg. he deleted all our pictures. the video he did for me [luckily i still have a copy of it], he changed his bed position [well, you all can see from the older post what memories we have on his bed], he did not wear any of the necklace that has anything to do with us [eventhough he don't like the one his friends bought for him during his birthday (not his style) but he wear it cause he say no necklace to wear already] i will still love him.

friends... u all can say i'm stupid. but that is love isn't it? look at the pic up there ^^^ memories. there's too much thing that happen in that 3years and 3 months relationship. did anyone of you have that long relationship before? there's still something that is in my heart. the things that we plan. will it come true or will it be a dream in my heart? we planned to go australia after finish college. we plan what age want to marry, have baby. how old our baby will grow and we can enjoy our life. he open his restaurant and i will be the restaurant accountant. our future house. he bought a jigsaw puzzle and already stick it up for our future home. then, he said his grandma got a collection of rings. that ring will be for us to wear next time we marry. we wanted to go Genting Highlands to celebrate Christmas together. we wanted to go Bukit Merah and swim together. we wanted to rent a place to stay. at night we can go somewhere sit and look at stars together. he wanted to bring me to seberang shopping mall [he say it's not true] before he ask for break up, he wanted to bring umbrella for me cause it's going to rain already. and i'm walking to my friends house. he planned so much but he ask for break up. i really don't understand what he is thinking about..... and last year. he asked for break up. now he say last year he wanted to break up is because of he want to be single but he pity me that's why. but last year when i asked him why he want break up after we ok already, he say he scared he can't give me a good shelter and stuff. but i know last year reason is the real one. this year is the fake one. right???

p.s. yeap ken min. i hope you will be happy if that means i have to be sad. xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo xoxo 15times of _ _ _ _ and _ _ _ _ _ _ for you

scold

please don't scold me for running out of house to find him! i know it's dangerous. but i said i will do anything for him. so i went there. i know it's dangerous k. i brought a weapon to protect myself =] the pen he bought for me. laugh at me =/ i should bring something else. cause that pen is supposed to be something that won't make me feel scared. understand ler k all my friends??? =( you all should know how much i love him. i know i'm stupid. don't scold me k? sorry sorry. i'm safe already so don't angry. smile smile =] teddy. i know it's dangerous ok? don't scold already. yea the guard really miang mia. but he's there so i'm not worry anymore. don't worry k teddy. =] and to the rest of my friends that i said sorry the night i run from home. the mistake that i did is run from my house. i know you all will scold me. so i just apologise.

p.s. I'M SAFE ALREADY ALL MY FRIENDS =]

lies=liar

since this post is going to talk about his lies then i shall put his favourite colour. first lie. about his friends and family list. he said he deleted my number from the list since the day he ask for break up. i thought he really deleted it so i did not say anyhting. the day when i go find him. i checked his friends and family list. my number is still there. i didn't you know say him there. i just say him through messages. he say he already lie so he have to lie till the end. i have nothing to say

second lie. he say. he won't fall for other girls. maybe I'm stupid to trust him ler. at last also he fall for other girl. a girl that is not his taste! hah! he don't like girls with no fringe. girls with short hair. and now she fall for this kind of girl? *speechless* when i say that girl no fringe, he say she got fringe just that hide it. and that reminds me of something he say. " the ppl that got fringe they pin it up or hide it, better don't need to have fringe easier.they pin it up or hide it is equal to no fringe already what. no need waste energy to pin it up ko save money don't have to buy pin" maybe you should say that to that stephanie. *laugh* [there's this stuff. well. not to say bad. but i a lot of ppl say she's not pretty. and say it's unbelievable that he like her. *laugh to death* then, there's someone say i should feel proud, another one say his eye something wrong if like her, another one say she look fat]

third lie. i ask her is he and that girl more than friends. he say no. friends only. after that, i ask him again. he say yes more than friends. i was like. what the hell. and he say he thought that more than friends is still friends but sms more than normal friends. well that's correct but he say no. he is twisting everything around. and at last say is he interprete wrongly. what a good reason.

fourth lie. i ask him nowadays he sms a lot also right. he say NO. yesterday i ask him again. he say yea. so i say why before this i ask u say no. his answer is now only sms so much. last time really not that much. yea right! if not that much why someone say that he sms a lot. such a stupid reason.

fifth lie. there's once he can't receive message. so i called him. and ask him he's in class is it. he say yea in class straight away say bye and off the call already. so i thought he's in class don't disturb him. but i feel weird. if in class why so noisy. and the environment doesn't sound like in class. and also in class why no line. after that, my friend smsed me and told me saw him at gurney. i was like. he just told me he's in class. i asked him again. he say owh. really? i heard wrongly. i thought you say not in class. cause i was rushing to go eat and there noisy.

sixth lie. he promise me and his mum he will be a good guy. seems like he is saying another big lie again. last time he is really a good guy. but now his attitude changed. he is not the yeap ken min i knew. his mum must be disappointed to see him. he is not a gentleman anymore. he changed to a hot-tempered guy. a guy that do not keep promises. lots more.

seventh lie. he said he want to save money. that's why he sit that girl's car. and he don't on air conditioner when sleep. but he is wasting money on all the movies(it's not a waste if the movie is really the ones that you like to watch but in his case it's not) and also on laptop the whole night because want to listen to music while sleeping. the lie is he did not sit the girl car because want to save money.

8th lie. i ask him he like to watch twilight or not. he say don't like. that day when i go find him. he told me that he watch twilight already. i did not say him face to face. i say him in message. as usual i'm a coward =/ he say it's because nearly all the movies he watched already. so have to watch. lame reason. watch already can don't want watch mia what. *shakes head*

i just realised i forgot about another lie
9th lie. i said i wish i can celebrate christmas with yeap ken min every year. then he said sorry cause he not celebrating it this year cause he's working. then, that tuesday when i went to queensbay to find him. i asked him again he not going gurney to celebrate christmas this year. he said nope he got other plans already. but he just said he won't be celebrating it. his reason is he say he will go after work. wont't be going to gurney. another lie. say won't celebrate christmas. now say not going gurney to celebrate. haih

10th lie. last time. he said he got a crush on a girl. then he show me the girl picture. but it's not that girl. another one. liar. then. after don't know how long. i say he not loyal cause he sure must been fall for the girl when we're together. then he say. no he is loyal. he just got feelings towards the girl. whoa! what a good lie. first crush now feelings. he don't even know he got crush on her or any bit feelings towards her.i really feel he don't even know his feelings he already forced himself to make a decision.

p.s. be the good yeap ken min back

let him go =]

i decided to let go already. i can't do anything anymore. this is the only thing i can do since he got feelings towards that girl. but all those lies. i'm really disappointed. why must he lie? he can don't love me he can hate me for what i did =/ but why lie? about his liesss. i will tell in another post. i am addicted to the song love song by taylor swift =]

We were both young when i first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did i know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And i was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So i sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo, i was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and i said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and i'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When i meet you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me i've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? i don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all i really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both so young when i first saw you

i don't know why i'm so addicted to it. one of my friend ask me to think deep why i like it so much. well, i guess i am just hoping for that to happen to me. cause the first part really sound like me and him. not a lot. quite =]

let's talk bout few nights ago. on the 1st of december i run out from house. to go find him. he is working until 12.30. so i run out from house 9.30 pm. walked to padang tembak and waited for bus. and that time i was perspiring like hell but no tissue. i have to use my hand to wipe it away. =/ bus came around 10. reach prangin and waited for another bus to go queensbay. 10.30 another bus came. reach queensbay at 11pm. i walked and enjoy the view there. cause that is the first time i'm there alone and queensbay is closed already. i walked to starbucks and peep at him. for so long. i was so scared he will saw me. so i hide behind a wall. then, suddenly i need toilet. to go toilet i need to pass starbucks and he was there. so i used my weapon. long hair to close my face and quickly walk in. i think he didn't saw me. oh. and there was this guard. keep talk to me. gahh. he saw me crying =/ asked me why am i so sad? why i cry? haih. he asked who am i waiting for. i say friend working in starbucks. then he ask your boyfriend is it? i was like erm. no friend only. then after that he saw me. he called my name but i don't want to look at him. i don't know why. then the guard was like. ei your friend calling. after that, the guard scared already. he asked me wil he be angry. well, i don't know so i just say i don't know. then, he didn't talk to me already after that. i mean the guard. i think he's scared. waited for 1 and half hour there. finally, going to 12.30 am. before that, i went in. i wanted to buy some drinks. he was busy making some drinks. didn't saw me. another guy there say they close already. i walked out. he still haven't saw me that time. after he saw me, he want chia me a drink. it's green in colour but i don't want. i don't know why but i keep walk and walk and walk. and the tears keep drop. ='( nearly 12.30 am i saw something like his car. i went down and look at the car plate number and! his car. but inside so many ppl. i thought his mum is at turtle land what. where can be so many ppl in car? maybe his dad with friends. when he came out, i'm supposed to talk to him but i end up erm. didn't talk. i lazy type already. he called my sister number and parents came. i still wanted to talk to him so i asked my dad to bring me to his house. i know i'm crazy =/ but at last i did not talk. ahahhha. laugh at me. go back get a good rest. and the next day went to queensbay find him again. this time with mum's permission.

p.s. i may let you go already but my heart still love you. still hope that you will come back eventhough it's impossible.

how do i feel today?

i don't know. haih. i found out something. won't be telling here. will just keep it in my heart. he is working now. i don't want make my blog sounds like a sad blog. but =( my heart isn't helping. what can i do. haihs. i cried in school. because erm. i think i miss him. and everyone around me ask about this and that. i can't take it. so i cried. i just miss him so much. memories. ok lets start from. how we meet. did i wrote about this before. i don't care. we meet erm. during this band thingy in youth park. i'm in band. and he went there with his frens. to watch or something like that. i realised he was there. cause my friend know one of them. from my tuition. i don't know when we met. ok. continue. evrything was erm. ok. then at night i got tuition. this fren told me that he say i'm pretty. then i don't believe him cause i don't know why he don't sound serious so i look at him with the eye. then. he told me again in a serious type. well that time i can't remember how he look like already. i just remember his sling bag and his pants same colour. cool right the way i remember =p everything was normal. then went to school. my friend ask for my number. i told her that i'm going to change number already. she say it's ok after change number only give her the new one cause she need it for some band thing. and then. at night. someone misscall me. my brain told me that there's 2 possibility. is either my friend that ask for my number or him. i was like keep thinking. what if it's him. what should i do. but how can he get my number. i can't really sleep. the next day i reach school straight away find for my friend and as kabput the girl's number. she say that girl won't misscall other people. so i was like. OMG! don't tell me it's him. so my friend and me was planning the whole day. how to call that person and ask. i asked my friend to help me cause my number was out of credit =] she sms that person. tuition time. i reach tuition. open door my friend ran out and start saying stuff that i don't understand. after she calm down then only i know that she's trying to say it's him. i can't remember what's my expression already. that's all for today. continue soon. boring story for most of you. it's a memory for me.

today working was a bit hard. cause they let me be cashier in the liquor and wine part. then i was like so blur. don't know where's all the stuff. tomorrow working again. 12pm =( oh. and there's a crazy indian man. he scolded one of the wrapper or something cause they don't want to give him another extra plastic bag. really stupid. now want to save world use less plastic bag he want more plastic bag. crazy man!! he just bought 4 bucks plus mia stuff and he want an extra plastic. he shouted and scold so damn loud that the whole process in Sunshine stopped. everyone's looking at him and he scold even louder. he keep repeat what he say. like. you tak ada brain. den you tak sakit hati i sakit hati. 4 ringgit you tahu tak. and bla bla bla. and then this supervisor in the liqour place. he really. ishness ok!he keep calling and talk on the phone. don't know what business also. and then. when everyone close only he come and count my money. damn him. make me so so so damn in hurry. so i just do everything. and he angry cause i press the wrong thing. damn him! who ask him so slow. he think i'm like him so free. i want to be fast that's why. ishness mia really!!!!!!!!!!!!

happy 3 years and 4 months anniversary my dear. it'll be so long already if dear did not ask for break up. there's something that i want to give you. i know u don't want it so.... will just keep it.

p.s. I STILL LOVE YOU MY DEAR. je t'aime cher pour toujours.

still feeling pain

this few days i start crying again. i don't know why. i miss him. i miss you dear. wherever u are. do u know i miss you? i want to keep my promise. one is the one i make with him. another with my another friend. i don't mean to do that. i just feel pain and that can make me feel better. really it does. i just miss all the moments we spend together. i want to hug you dear. hope dear exam is ok. good luck for your exam cher. i don't know what to post. cause now no matter what i write is sure sad stuff. i read all the messages he sent just now. in the morning. i didn't go to school. boring. got very bad position in the whole form. but good already ler for a girl who did not study. miracles. where is my dear? i want to put up all our memories here.

i short 75cents today. because of the uncle. stupid mia. go give me 10cents for what. oh. i'm working at sunshine farlim. until 18th of november. then i'm going to gama already. cause there i can get more money =] my ear hurts. don't kn0w what happen to it. aahhh. i don't care anymore. let it be.

p.s. bébé je t'aime cher pour toujours

i'm back with an empty and lonely heart

yes. i blog again already. a lot of ppl start complaining about my blog. i just feel sad! real sad. anyone that can cure me? haih. why must it be so painful? can't it be easier? can't i just use an eraser and erase it away from my memory? can i? i can't. i love him. with my whole heart. i already take him as my first and also the last bf. and also my future husband. i love you dear. wherever u are. i know u don't like it. i didn't write that for fun. now winter is not warm anymore!!! it's going to be cold. with my lonely n empty heart. waiting for him to reply my heart. it's already the 16th days since dear ask for break up. when will dear come back? dear don't let talk about the past. what am i supposed to do? i love you still do love you. forever will love you. baby will wait for dear. if dear ever change mind. i'm here. u guys may think i'm stupid to wait for him. i know but i know it's worth it. i am waiting. waiting for miracles. christmas without dear will be so not fun. i know i control you too much dear. i want to do something to it. i hope i have the chance. don't tell me to do it for my next bf. i don't want!

p.s. I LOVE YOU YEAP KEN MIN!

WOOHOO!

ok. i know i'm crazy=p erm, i think some of them know why i'm so happy. right? well, if they do read my blog. i know i haven't blog for quite a long time d. like i've disappear. i just feel lazy to blog. hols is as usual over very fast. i got lots of pic to post up. this is all the pic i took during the 2 weeks holiday. fun fun fun. love holiday. after that, there's mark. arghhh. i'm just so disappointed with most of my marks. i feel..... oh god. the pics is not working. yay. it's working. i'm feeling real sleepy and the pictures are playing me. it's already about 1 a.m. and i have to go to school tomorrow. aaahhh. who cares

he look like he's gonna eat someone

tired face after the long queue just to buy ice cream

baskin robbins! the ice cream. after it melts

what does this remind you of? pastamania? actually it's nando's =p

a bit blurred. still can see our face


us again. in secret recipe waiting for.


tada! chocolate indulgence. our trademark. just jk


the ship can ask for help. but the meaning is the most important


look at the card. i love it =)

his bed =p

his room on his bed =]

i know you all are bored of my face.

bread. we toast it. and also as the last pic for this post

today is already the 27th of June. time is moving faster than i thought it would. my mum say thweek the time is like moving slower than usual. she wants the time to move faster so that i'm older and she can rest. =( i don't want. i don't want to be old and i don't want to be young. if i'm old, there's a lot of things that i can't do anymore. if i'm too young, my mum would not let me date a guy =(

i think it's really late already. i should sleep right now. if not i'll be sleepy tomorrow. night everyone.

P.S. i'm on his bed doesn't mean anything. DO NOT THINK NONSENSE

friday i went to i-lyn's house after add maths tuition. actually we wanted to go to batu feringghi but i-lyn's mum khi siau. hahaha. so can't go. went to i-lyn's house and then she cook for me egg. i don't know she can cook. hahaha. at least she cook better than me. if i cook i think the egg will become like shit. and then, i went to her room. play her violin! so proud cause she say i'm quite good for a beginner =p she's a scary teacher. she'll kill me. i'll post the video up even though i say i won't. don't worry. you'll be famous. if anyone read my blog. hahaha. sorry. i played twinkle twinkle. hahha. but it's like shit. but at least i can play right? my hand feel so pain after holding it. maybe i need to use a smaller one since i'm so small. it must be very cute =p and then, the next day. my shoulder there bone feel pain. i think it's because of the violin. bad bad =D

so saturday is june's birthday party. i can't go. because last night when i want to go to i-lyn's house and actually my mum don't let. i want to go. so they have to come fetch me. and i get scolded from my dad and mum. i think my mum get scolded from my dad. that's why she's not talking to me in the morning =( but after that she seems a bit better. she talk to me. but in a very. i don't know how to explain. scary =/

think

when you note 'thinking' and similarly with visions or images, you should pay particular attention to the contents of your thought. you should just note that there is thinking. if you were to go into the contents of your thought or whatever you were thinking about. you will end up thinking more. i get this thing from one of the temple i went. hahaha. but i feel it's true. don't think so much. hahahaha.

wesak day

hmmm. today i'm supposed to walk wif ze they all. but erm. i don't know. i feel so angry after reading someone's blog. so i decided to walk with my beloved. at least i don't have to feel angry. hahaha. i think i can't continue to treat everyone the same anymore. not as if they appreciate it. if they know how to appreciate then i will treat them the same. but too bad i can't anymore. they blame me for changing into the 'act cute' attitude. if i really change to that. then, what's the problem? it's not a bad attitude also. they don't like me becoming like that then they should tell me instead of talking bad about me behind me and act good in front of me. if i don't like someone, the way i treat them is not going to be the same too. so, they can't blame me if they say i changed. is because they making me hate them. that's why i changed =] oh well. i'm not going to try to do anything. i will let this go as it is. and if someone wants to talk to me. then, they can. they can tell me what they don't like about me. put as anonymous. i won't know who is that anymore. if you feel that it's better that way.

angry

i'm so damn angry right now. i just read someone's blog. and there's this thing. that make me so damn angry. she expect me to talk to her when it's not my fault. she started it and she want me to come talk to her. and she say i ask my other friends to go talk to her. i don't want to talk to her because i don't care. if they want talk to her then they can talk. i don't care. i'm angry that she say i should talk to her. why not she come and tell me what she hate about me? she said i change. it's my problem i want to change or not. it's my life. why should i follow what they want me to? i follow their way i'm like becoming their dog. if i really changed, then why no one ever tell me. why only a few of them say about it? i want to be what i want not be what they want me to be.

OMG! exams is coming. i'm not ready yet. form 4 is such a tough year. so many things to handle yet so many problems happen. i want to go back to form 3. no. i don't even want to go back to last few years life don't say now. is this what life is for? i wish my life will be better when i grow older and when i learn more of life. there's so many things to fight with. especially time. when you lose it, it'll never come back. i guess that's why nowadays people die at a young age. that's it. i hope i can make things go well by slowing down the time. sometimes when i want the time to go slower, it'll go faster. when i want it to go faster, it'll go slower. sometimes i'm so angry that i scold the clock. and then, i realised the clock can't listen because they don't have ears. example today, he's supposed to come to my house. i woke up at 7.15. then, he didn't wake up. so i fell asleep. and by the time i wake up it's 11 already. such a waste!. my mum came back at 12. i was so disappointed. i cried. not really ler. a few drops of tears came out. i prayed to God. because i want the time to go back to 7.30. then i realised, if the time really went back, then all the people that's working and everything. it'll be a big problem. huge mistakes. and i know God will not help me so i give up.

i'm using skype now! so fun. hahahha. as if. i don't even have a headset so what's so fun. i just have a webcam. anyone that have skype add me. guatphing =] have fun for the rest of the day. smile always. and think the positive side of life.

master bedroom XD

while i study, i think of something. i dream a lot when i study. haih. that's why i can't finish studying all the time. usual me =] i'm wondering why master bedroom is big and have toilet. then, something came up. i think it's because of erm... they have sex then, they need to wash up and everything. so i think that's why there's a toilet in master bedroom. but what if they do not have? ok. i'm starting to talk about toilet. why? i think i'm bored of studying. since i can't study. i shall talk about master bedroom's toilet. if master bedroom is without toilet then, after they have sex they must come out from the room and clean. i think last time people lazy to come out from their room after having sex that's why nowadays there's toilet in master bedroom. it's not i want to think nonsense. i'm not dirty minded. i'm still a human. human do think about all this things, right? xp pr i'm the only weird one?

exams coming and i'm still busy watching movie and going here and there. i'm worry but i don't seem to care about studying. something is not right. i won't feel worry last time. wehn i'm in form 1, 2 and 3. even if it's few days before exams, i won't feel scared. i just feel normal. now i changed. i feel scared. one week before exams i start worrying but i'm not studying. it's a good thing right i feel worry before exams? maybe there's good and bad for being worry. the goodness of being worry is i will study and i won't flunk. my mum will be happy i get good result. if i ever =] the badness is i will have more grey hair before the time i'm supposed to have it. hahaha

there's this friendship problems again. i think i'll just go on my life as usual. this year. a lot of things changed. people around me, tight schedule even i'm not in band anymore. just imagine if i'm in band. i don't think i'll be able to handle the stress. about friendship problems, i will keep it to myself. i will not say anything. they can do what they want to and say what they want to. i'll be like what mama say. neutral and think the positive side =] and my life will be much easier. hope so. i will treat everyone as usual. and forget about the past. i hope i can. i will think about that after exams.

P.S. the ones that think i like to act cute, i'm sorry i did not act cute. that's how i am and i don't like people who act cute so why would i be one. =]

peace. holidays coming soon. i'm so happy. not really. nothing much for this holiday. hope i get to go out more often.

labour day

i'm not in the mood of posting up anything. i feel like going to KL on my birthday =) hope my parents can make my wish come true =( but i don't think so ler. haih. pray pray pray! high school musical on ice mia thing is there on my birthday =/ i want to go. go for fun ler. hahaha. or maybe some artist going? i don't know. i'll see how ler then. wish wish pray pray! i feel like going out now. i don't have the mood to study! i feel like going out and enjoy myself =(

feeling sad

i don't know why but i'm sad. he say he is going to australia after finish studying. i cried. i don't know why. but the tears just come out by itself. weird right? i feel that i really cry a lot. feel like a baby. i should be happy he's thinking about the future. but i don't want him to go so far. it's very very far. =( i said i want to go to KL after form 5. for college. i'm not sure about it yet. that is if i get scholarship. then i'll be in college. if not i have to study form6. haih. why is life so difficult. i just wish that i don't have to think about anything. be a baby. cry and what i want will come true. easy life isn't? if i'm sad then he'll not go. if he don't go, then he'll be wasting about a year waiting for me to finish my college. i can't be that selfish. but i really don't like the feeling of saying bye bye to him. haih. to my darling. sorry. i'm being selfish. i'm a bad girl.

today is my dad's birthday. made him a card and his present is i don't know. i just woke my sis up. she's buying him a pen tomorrow. hahaha. i'm so bad. =p luckily she's not that blur yet.
i'll end it here with this picture of myself.

suddenly feel like take pic. see my calculator?

i feel so much better now. i MUST let him go. DO NOT feel sad and make him don't want to go. i know i can make it. if he really love me he won't do anything wrong towards me. well, i think so. he's still a guy =]

tagged by joalin and wei

joalin and wei . click at my friends there
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.

2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.

3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.

4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

OK? All set?

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaarto!

-fact number I-
i love my darling

-fact number 2-
i'm a lazy girl. love my bed

-fact number 3-
i want to read people's mind

-fact number 4-
i love rabbit and puppy

-fact number 5-
i'm sick right now

-fact number 6-
i want to be taller and thinner

-fact number 7-
i hate school. i want to have freedom.

-fact number 8-
i want to remain every single person that's in my life now

i won't tag anyone =) because i think everyone been tagged already. i don't mind if anyone wants to tag me

sick =(

i'm sick! i went to school. and everything was ok. pj teacher asked me a question that is real hard! i can't answer it. haih. then, before recess i was really very hungry. so i drank water to keep me from feeling too hungry. luckily today we went for the first recess. after eating, i felt even more pain. i drink some hot soup but it doesn't work anymore. i went up to class and pack my things for history. i can't pack. it's so painful. but i still have to pack. after packing i'm really in pain. so i called my mum. and guess what! she say she'll come fetch me at 12. i called her that time it was 11. my tummy is killing me and she ask me to wait until 12. how nice of her. by the time she reach. my tummy felt better already. she asked me this and that. when i reached home, i didn't bath. i straight away jump up my bed and slept. i just finish having my lunch. my flu and throat is still in a bad condition =/

yesterday is my mum's birthday. nothing special happen. oh! my dad send my mum a message. hahaha. in the message is happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday DARLING. hahaha. not as if i don't receive that kind of message ler. i don't know that my dad knows this things. my mum keep smiling. hahahaha. at least she's happy. we went to TGI on saturday to celebrate my mum's birthday. i wanted to ask them to sing a birthday song to my mum but my dad don't allow me. so i can't. i feel so full. but my sis, as usual ate everything. after that, my dad is not in a good mood. before going out, he's in a bad mood too. he scolded me because i wear high heels =/ i don't see why i shouldn't wear it. i was angry then, when i got home i asked my mum. if he don't like me to wear high heels then why he have a daughter. my mum did not reply me. she just keep repeating have daughter have daughter have daughter. i got fed up so i went in. i did a card for my mum birthday. hahaha. it's ugly! i don't think my mum care =p

i'm having flu. can't type much. pictures can tell more than what i type here

it's supposed to be a suprise cake. but my sis n bro told my mum =(

ugliest card ever =p

me and the birthday women (mum)

me and my dad at TGI

tag

sorry joalin. late already and i feel tired and sleepy already. so i shall tag next time =p i have lots of history to complete so, i don't know when i'll on my com again.

musical drama

as usual, i'm lazy to on the computer and blog =) today is PC fair! i want a camera. but my dad say he don't have any money already. arghhh. i wish my parents is richer. then, i won't be having any problem buying anything i want. there's this musical drama. performed by my school students. well, i'm not involved =] obviously. i went to watch the drama. just only came back. it's quite expensive. 20 bucks. i like the 30 bucks ticket. i'll show why i love 30 bucks ticket more

this is why i like 30 bucks ticket. =]

than 20 bucks ticket =] they say it's for the cancer patient. so, i think it's quite worth it even though it's boring. i ended up going out from the hall and went in his car. the last 15 minutes. then, there's this motorcycle. he keep riding back and forth. we were so damn angry! i think he have too much money for his petrol. but in the middle of the play, there's someone that's playing with their laser. they're so damn bad. when they play with it, the rest of the crowd laugh. i feel bad for the people that's performing in front. they must feel real hurt. even i'm sitting behind, i can feel the pain. i think they must be even worse. then, he met his friends there. start talking to them about how's the movie and the singing, band and etc. they say the singing is bad. no offence. but i sort of feel hurt. well, it's still my school right? the drama finish at about 10. 05 p.m. i follow rebecca back. her dad come real late. quite ler. about half hour later, so i get to talk to him awhile. =) we were like telling each other who we know. then the teacher's i hate. after that, haha. i know that we're bad. we start criticizing the people that pass us. about they dressing, shoe and ..... i'm not that good in dressing things. my mum always say i'm out of fashion =( but i can see some people that really look pretty. i'm used to look at them in pinafore. seeing them in other clothes is kinda weird. there's this guy. he wear a shoe that's really funny. hahaha. i don't like that shoe. i don't mean to criticize him but i really don't like to look at time wearing that shoe. even my own brother is wearing that. i don't understand what they see in that weird shoe. my shoe is nicer =p

look at the white pants guy shoe. i hate that shoe. i think he should learn from his friend =)

joalin's hardwork. and wasting of ink =)

look at the insects! it's so. i feel so itchy looking at it. scary!

my mum take care of gina's. then, there's one day, i'm scared of insects. and the fake insects look real. then, tis lil boy he took the big black ones and throw it at me. i shouted. and he laugh! i was so angry. then, the lil girl took the fake insects and throw it at me. i scolded her. and everytime she is about to come near me, she must put down the insects =)

i took this picture yesterday. not a nice pic =]

suddenly, i feel like taking picture. so this is the result when i feel like taking picture. it's an ugly pic.

my name on my leg

did this in school. feel bored. and i have 4 chapters of history to finish due this tuesday!!!!! i'm going crazy but i can sit here and do this. hahaha.

and about the singaporean. they! arghhh. they cancel my name, mama's and also cyn's. we wait until 3.30 p.m. for that. and then, she came and tell us that we're not in anymore. i feel so paiseh and stupid. i feel like killing them!!!!! she said she wrote the message on board. then, our teacher is teaching and i don't feel like going out again. so we decided to find for her the next day. she did not go to school. so this is what happen when you put too much hope on something. i was thinking.. at last~!. i get to go in the airport. but.... i know i'm weird. never go in airport and sit aeroplane.

that's all =] i should continue my history maybe tomorrow =] hope i won't be lazy to on the com again.

i went to ze house yesterday. i wake up at 8. and then i eat some biscuits while listening to songs. i get ready at 9. i wake my mum up and she wants to sleep. she's very very tired i think so. cause yesterday she slept at 12 something nearly 1. she can't sleep late. she don't want to wake up but luckily, the phone rang. someone wants to talk to her. i really thank that person for waking her up =] my mum ask my dad to follow her go and then have breakfast. that time it was already 9.15 a.m. already. i was so mad cause my dad still doesn't want to brush his teeth. i shouted at him. not really shout ler. i said i'm late already. that's why i'm angry. when i reach ze house it's about 9.30 plus only. and no one reach yet. i don't know why i rush also. haha. pei ying and june reach ze's house about 10 something. we rest awhile then start cleaning her house. not really clean ler. it's just hold the broom and take a pic. i forgot about the reason i go to her house. we want to take pictures of us doing kerja amal. it's for moral. after that we start doing our essay. before that, we play mahjong. a chinese game. i want to play. i asked my mum to buy. i'll wait for it. i'll beg till she buy it for me =] before doing essay, we have some mushroom soup. it's instant mushroom soup so it's not that nice. some weird smell. but still. mushroom soup is always yummy. we started doing the essay, halfway through it we decided to cook spaghetti. haha. i feel hungry talking about spaghetti. i didn't eat anything for lunch. before cooking it, we went in ze's room. june go crazy and pull everyone to bed. haha. she tickle everyone. then, we tickle her back. she's dangerous. she use her leg and kick everyone there. haha. after that, we cook spaghetti.

let's look at some pictures =)

the meat for spaghetti

future housewife cooking (ze)

i'll ask for the pillow fight pictures from. i don't know who has the pictures. after eating, we head to GP. ze's erm, someone fetch us there. i can go up the car without knowing who is that. xp not as if he can do anything to me. but i'm in a car without knowing who's driving it. =) we reached there nearly 2 pm. we decided to watch awake. but we don't even know what movie is that. hahaha. we bought children's ticket. haha. luckily we look like a children. u know. small size and everything. hahaha. actually i'm not small size. is i'm short. hahahaha. i lazy post up the pictures. next time. watching the movie near the ending, june went out. noel is there. she wanted to meet him. so we watch without her. after that, she called wehn the movie finished. she said she's at A&W. so, we went there. she sat there without ordering anything. keng right? haha. after that, she ran away again when saw him pass. ze followed her. so only left me and pei ying. after about 10 to 15 minutes, pei ying and me went up to meet ze. she asked us not to come out cause she wanted to drink the root beer. haha. we told her that we drank finish d. haha. she was sad =) she really love the root beer so much =p three of us bought the same thing. it's nice.

before opening.

nice right? after i open. haha

after buying the hp case, we went to secret recipe. we ordered oreo cheese and chocolate indulgence. after that, we crossed the road and went to the beach side =)

look at the sea. it's so dry. me n ze =) and then, the sky!

another sky! hahaha.

after that, we went back to GP. i bought something for my mum. it's a perfume. it smells nice =) after that, ze dad reach already. i followed ze back then about 8 my mum fetch me. then we went to midlands for the popular sale. at last! my mum bought for me harry potter story book =] gif my mum a kiss. after that, we went for dinner and went back. i was so tired and straight away fall asleep. that's all for 13/04/08.

today came back from school. there's bio topical test. i think i fail the test already. i can't remember a single thing i read =( i know i'm in big problem. and there's this singaporean coming. this wednesday. my friend and i are escorting them to everywhere they want to go. i sat in front of computer since 3 already. hahaha. mum start nagging already. haha. =] he's here already! hahaha.

well. this is my second blog already. i'm really disappointed. i just post up a poll. tell me what is all of you all definition of a true friends. i really hope i can know what is the real definition. i got a friend. i know - since std 2. and that is when - make me cry. i can't remember what happened that time. it's something that's very bad. i still remember i hide under the teacher's table and cried. it's so embarrassing. i decided to forgive -. and we were best friends. and then, now this happen. - did something that i'll call as backstabber. maybe - think it's not but i don't think - definition about backstabber is same like everyone. i have no comments about - anymore. just hope - will change =) if - still the same i'll not say anything about it anymore. so there is love. i have friends and i have lover. i don't know how to say it. it's just a stupid arguments. i don't understand why u know. guys don't know how to read girls mind =( is this how all couples go through? i guess it is ler. i can't think of anythin right now. i'll post up soon. i just came back from KL. and i'm still left behind. KL trip is from 3rd-6th of april. it was fun. spending more times with all my friends. i really have fun. hahaha. i hope the trip will never end. love it so much. love spending times with all my friends. they're just so wonderful. and also my beloved hubby. he's the best.